My imaginary friend Daphne has been writing to me again, needing more advice about fitting in here. Since she arrived in France at the beginning of the year I've been helping her out with dinner etiquette, language problems and other technical points, today she has a problem that's more .... well let's just say that's getting bigger!
My darling Daphne
How lovely to hear from you again ma chérie, I was beginning to think that you'd forgotten all about me; that I was too provincial for you in my country home while you're in your chic Versailles apartment.
No surprise though, to hear what's troubling you this time! Your petites rondeurs, tes kilos en trop, tes poignées d'amour - yup, you've been hitting the french cuisine since you got here last spring and it's all gone to your hips. Très classique!!
What you need is to start acting like a French girl - surely you've noticed how runner-bean thin they all are in Versailles.
There is no easy way around this ma chérie, you've got to change some basic habits:
The little boulangerie at the end of your street may make fantastic macarons, great croissant and amazing home made chocolates, but for a while the only way you should enjoy them is with your eyes! You heard me .... I know you see French women buying them, but that doesn't mean they'll eat them. They gift macarons and chocolates at dinner parties, they buy croissant and pain au chocolat for their children's 4 pm snack and fancy cakes for a family gathering but they don't touch a crumb!
Even the delicious baguette will only be eaten in small bites, la française is unlikely to eat a whole portion of bread with her meal.
Wine - yes, I know it's wonderful stuff, it's sociable to drink and I know that your husband has an impressive wine cellar, but if you keep an eye on your French girlfriends they drink little. Even at a chic dinner where there is different wine served with each course. It's all about moderation.
However, this doesn't meant you should cut down on the lunches with girlfriends: très important to be in on the news, to be seen out and about. Just do as they do: eat salad and fish; drink sparkling water ; no dessert and a couple of strong coffees. The beauty of this is that you'll sit down and take your time, you'll eat slowly because you'll be chatting, and all that with very few calories.
Now, I hope Daphne that you're not using your car each day. You're in town, you need to walk or to use those wonderful bikes you can rent by the hour all over Paris.
Finally, I'll leave you with a word of advice I heard a French girlfriend pass on recently to another friend who was complaining that she had put on one whole kilo! "You need a poor, young lover" she said, dead serious. The girl just nodded in agreement, the logic of her friend's advice obviously crystal clear. "Poor and young?" I asked, "why's that so important?" they smiled at me indulgently, "well," the first replied, "if he's poor he'll be living in some 6th floor garret without a lift, and if he's young then you'll be motivated to get up there to join him ...you know, ... double the exercise!!"
Food for thought, darling you have to admit!
Let's meet up soon and have a long chat over a .... mineral water,
your friend
S
