The Delicate Art of Balance

The Wilkes Family - Apple Picking

September 22, 2012

The art of balance in ones life is something that I think we all struggle with on a daily basis. I am a firm believer that we cannot be all things to all people at all times. I cannot tell you how many times, I am hit with the phrase "how do you do it all?", whether it's via email, on The Cottage Mama Facebook page, or in real life with my friends and family.

I am always a taken back by this question, because the true answer is simple, "I don't." I wish I knew how to get it all done. But for that to happen, I would need two of me and a lot more hours in the day. I think you make time in your life for the things that are important to you. And somedays certain things are more important than others.

When I think of balance my husband comes to mind. As I have mentioned here before, he is an avid home-brewer and makes award winning beers. Brewing is something he is truly passionate about and he makes time for it in his life. He leaves for work at 7:30 AM and is not home before 7:30 PM every single day. That makes for some longs days. So he does not get a whole lot of time to spend with the kids during the week. But on the weekends he is 100% devoted to having 'Daddy Fun Days' with them. If he wants to brew beer, he does it after they have gone to bed. He gives up sleep in order to achieve the balance in his life. I'm not advocating not sleeping to achieve balance, but it's what works for him. He wants to make room for brewing in his life and that's how he makes it work. My point being, is that you figure out a way to make time for the things in life that are important to you and sometimes you have to give up one thing for another.

But the truth is that balance is achieved through an ebb and flow in life. You cannot neglect one aspect of life completely and expect there not to be a negative reaction. Balance is a struggle. I don't know if it is for you, but it is something I am constantly thinking about and trying to keep myself in check. I have a true sense of guilt when I am not doing what I feel I should be doing in certain aspects of my life. But sometimes it is important to release yourself from that feeling of guilt in order to maintain balance in ones life. If one of my kids is having a hard day, then maybe I don't get to the dishes. If I'm trying to finish a project, then maybe we have frozen pizza for dinner. But you know what? That's ok.

For instance, right now I wish I was posting tons of different projects and tutorials for you all. I have all these great seasonal ideas in my head that I don't have time to share. Do I feel a little sense of guilt that I'm not making that happen? Well.......yes. But the reality is that I am working on my book and cannot share many of my projects right now. While I try to balance writing with paying attention to my family and my home life, it's what has to give during this time in my life. And I know you understand that and I am now officially releasing myself from that guilt. Ahhh, I feel much better!

I read Sarah Jane's post today and it just got me thinking, so I guess that's why I'm writing this post today. To be totally honest, I think I do a pretty good job balancing all the different things going on in our life right now and it is constantly a work in progress. But there is one thing I would like you to know about me.........I do not do it all. And that's fine by me.

On my mind.....Life, Love and Joy

For some reason I feel compelled to write today.  As I sit here in my bed trying to recover from a bad sinus infection and a double ear infection, I cannot feel sorry for myself.  I cannot feel sorry for myself because I am blessed beyond words.  I am blessed with overall good health, my family, the roof over my head, food on my table, my beautiful babies, my incredible husband, my friends and just life in general.

Ever since Ashley of Lil Blue Boo posted her 'Right of Passage' video on her blog, I can't seem to get her, her family or the video out of my head.  Have you been following her 'Cancer Chronicles'?  If not, I encourage you to visit her blog and start from the beginning of her journey.  I will let you read her entire journey for yourself, but whether or not you have been through anything like this, her attitude is awe inspiring.

I think her story speaks to me because that person going through cancer could very well be me.  We are of similar age, both with young children, both in the prime of our lives and the idea of what she is experiencing is unimaginable.  My heart aches for her.  I want so badly to jump through my computer screen and hug her.  The fact that Ashley manages to 'choose joy' during this difficult time is just amazing.  I can only hope that if I was dealt the same hand of cards, that I would 'choose joy' as well.  I love her positive outlook and her 'can do' sort of attitude.  With every challenge she faces, she continues to go through life looking at the glass as half full.

Ashley has received emails questioning her truthfulness about her experience because she is so positive.  Is she keeping it real?  They are wondering about her fear and her pain.  Maybe that is in the back of her mind, but she is choosing to live life and choosing to focus on joy in her current situation.  And I just love it!  I think we need more people in the world that focus on the joy in life.  What good does it do anyone to live in the negative?

I have often been criticized for living life in such a positive manner.  For not 'keeping it real'.  I know that seems kind of weird (and it actually feels weird to write it), but it's true.  People wonder......can she really be that happy?  Sometimes I think misery loves company.  Personally I choose to focus on the joy that I have in my life.  Yes, being a wife and mother and juggling a small business can be difficult and trying at times, but I do the best I can and I try to focus on the good rather than the bad.  Is that keeping it real?  For me, it is.

Have I been through tough times?  Yes, but I choose not to dwell on them and I do not let them control my life.  I have experienced a miscarriage and I have suffered through postpartum depression after the birth of my first child.  But rather than dwelling on the negative in both those situations, I choose to share my story in hopes that others can gain positive support and information through my difficult times.  I am in no way suggesting that if you are going through a tough time that you shouldn't talk about it and share it with others.  We cannot control the cards we are dealt, but we can control the way in which we deal with them.

I do not know what the future holds for Ashley, I can only hope and pray that everything turns out for the best.  But I do know that God has chosen her for this path and journey for a reason.  I'm quite certain He has chosen her to inspire others, to help people not sweat the small stuff and to make us all focus and be thankful for the joy and blessings that we have in our lives.  I don't know about you, but I know that she has caused me to hug my babies a little tighter, kiss my husband a little more and be thankful for the joy that is in my life.

I hope that the next time you are dealt with a difficult situation that you will think of Ashley and will rise up and find the joy that is in this wonderful life that we live.  We all have SO much to be thankful for.  If you know anyone going through a difficult time, share Ashley's story with them........she is such a true inspiration!

And if you are the praying type, I ask you to pray for Ashley.........pray as hard as you possibly can.  I know, I am.

I know I don't come on the blog writing about my personal thoughts and feelings too much, but this year is a little different.  I hope to be able to share some more personal things with you ~ I hope you don't mind the change. 

The Magic of Christmas

 image source

Do you remember when you first found out the 'truth' about Santa Claus?  I was probably one of the last of my friends to actually succumb to the reality.  I can remember being on the large soccer field at my elementary school in California and arguing passionately with the other kids about the existence of Santa Claus.  I tried to explain to everyone how I had seen this television program where they discussed the Santa sitings that had occurred at the north pole.  Why didn't they believe me? I mean I had concrete evidence.  I was absolutely convinced that the other kids had it ALL wrong.  Which was fine because I knew that if you didn't believe, then you certainly were not going to end up on the 'nice' list, and that was fine because perhaps Santa would just drop off all those non-believers presents at my house.

My brother and I used to wake up really early in the morning on Christmas.  He would come and lay in my bed with me while we waited until the clock said 6:00AM (which was when we could go into my parents room).  We would lay there quietly, starring at each minute go by on the clock and try to fall asleep.  We never could fall asleep because our hearts were racing with the thoughts of Santa actually coming to our house.  And I swore I heard jingle bells on the roof.

I don't remember the exact moment when I found out, but I can distinctly remember the very first Christmas where I knew the 'truth'.  I just sort of felt sad, like the magic and excitement had been taken away. It was almost like I was mourning the loss for this person I once knew.  Now, don't get me wrong, Christmas has always been an amazing holiday in my family, but things just didn't feel the same that first year, something was missing.  Of course as the years passed, the holiday took on an entirely different meaning.

So what has me thinking about the magic of Christmas?  Well, this is the first year that my kids are really, really into the idea of Santa Claus.......especially my 3.5 year old, Savannah Rose.  Yesterday we had a big discussion about the naughty and nice list and many other aspects of Santa Claus.  So far I have received all kinds of questions from her:

~Is Santa still up on our roof?
~Where does Santa live?
~What kind of clothes do the elves wear?
~How long does it take to get to the north pole?
~Is it always snowing at the north pole?
~Can I go to the north pole?
~Why can't I go to the north pole?
~Can I ride in Santa's sleigh?
~Who takes care of Santa's reindeer?
~Do you think Mrs. Finkler (her preschool teacher) will be on the naughty or nice list?

Chatting with Savannah about all these different questions has brought back a sense of magic and wonder that I can feel in our house.  I can remember the excited feeling I once had thinking about Santa Claus and I guess our own kids have a way of bringing that back out in us.  The innocence of a child is a beautiful thing and I feel so blessed to be able to experience the complete magic and wonder surrounding Christmas with my children.  Yes, someday they too will find out the 'truth', but those years and years of excitement are certainly worth it!

Do you remember when you found out the 'truth' about Santa?